Fitch Bits: The Two Funerals of Gladys Spooner

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DID YOU KNOW that Gladys Spooner was so mean she died twice?

She was an elderly woman spending her twilight years in Cavendish, Vermont, and earned a reputation as the local shrew. She was one of those people who “tell it like it is” when no one ever asks them. It was said that a week never passed without her giving someone a piece of her mind and no one had it worse than her husband, the henpecked Harley.

She passed away in 1919 and pretty much the entire population of Cavendish attended her funeral. It’s a safe bet they all showed up just to make sure she was dead, and her new widower spent the whole service quietly staring at the floor.

The funeral ended and Gladys got loaded into the back of a wagon for what was meant her final road trip to the cemetery. That’s not exactly how things worked out, though.

The undertaker was in a rush to get this pain in the ass in the ground and he ended up speeding and hitting a rock on the way. He must have been going at a good clip because the wagon bounced so high that the casket got launched right out of it and landed on the olde timey road, shattering on impact.

The entire procession stopped, and the undertaker got out to shovel the old woman back onto his wagon when she stood right up and dusted herself off. This was before The Walking Dead came out, so no one thought to destroy her brain, and she simply asked the undertaker for a ride back home.

Another three or four years passed, and Gladys was right back to her shrewish ways of making everyone around her miserable, especially her husband. Then she finally died for good and got her second funeral.

Once again, the whole community came to really make sure she was gone this time. The funeral ended and she was once again loaded onto the undertaker’s wagon.

This time, Harley Spooner took the driver aside and whispered, “Now you take care not to hit that rock again this time!”

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