"For we must Consider that we shall be as a City upon a Hill, the eyes of all people are upon us; so that if we shall deal falsely with our god in this work we have undertaken and so cause him to withdraw his present help from us, we shall be made a story and a byword through the world, we shall open the mouths of enemies to speak evil of the ways of god and all professors for Gods sake" - John Winthrop, Puritan lawyer and former governor of the Province of Massachusetts Bay.

Easter in New England and Other Non-Existent Things - Patreon Preview!

Allow me to introduce you to John Winthrop: 

"Ladies."

 

This fine fellow served as the governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony from 1630-1634, 1637-1640, 1642-1644, and finally from 1646-1679. In that time, he would work, along with his people, to create a "city upon a hill" that would have the eyes of the world on it. That high city was Massachusetts Bay and the people creating it were the Puritans. This is the story of just how spitefully crazy they really were!

"'Sup."

The Beginning

Let's start at the beginning here with a little bit of the backstory, though. You can't really have a good story without a back. It wouldn't be able to stand up.

I'll try to keep it light. This is more about the crazy sociopaths that ran the colonies than the colonies themselves.

Anyway, everyone knows about the Pilgrims, right? These were the buckled hat homies that sailed on the Mayflower to Plymouth Rock.

These Fellers.

 

That's actually how my family got here, which makes me more of an O.G. American than most. It should also entitle me to double the voting power and free appetizers at Bennigan's, but, whatever. Whenever I bring it up to my elected officials, they start throwing around terms like "delusional" and "pantsless." Fools.

Sorry, I'm drifting. Anyway, those Pilgrims founded Plymouth Colony. That's not what this is about.

After the English saw that these crazies actually managed to survive the winter, they decided that they needed to settle more of the New World. It's a lot easier when everyone you send doesn't vanish into thin air or just straight up die in a week.

That's where the Massachusetts Bay Company comes in. It was a literal company that wanted a piece of the New World pie...

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